“Hello, Wayne. Oh dear . . . . did you know it’s been 231 days since your last visit?”
“Has it really been that long?” I innocently reply.
“You know very well how long it’s been, young man, and I must say I can tell by looking at you that it’s been a while – so get on the scales and prepare for some bad news!”
Ok, the last bit didn’t happen because, of course, at least as of the time of writing this, the friendly folks at Nintendo haven’t activated the Sarcasm Chip (TM) in the delightful little console known as the Wii.
For the uninitiated, the Wii is the one that involves physical exertion; you actually play out the actions needed for any particular game. So for Tennis you swing the controller through the air, executing powerful forehand passing shots or producing a brilliantly judged backhand lob. The reality can be quite different: you swing the controller wildly, cracking the rib of your opponent before following through and knocking a vase off the mantel piece. The point is you get a bit of exercise and it’s great entertainment for anyone watching you make an ass of yourself as you try to outsprint Sonic The Hedgehog in the 100 metres.
Of course, I didn’t purchase the Wii for such trivial distractions. I bought it because of it’s ground breaking fitness aid – Wii Fit (poor sod who came up with the name must’ve been up all night thinking up that one). This really is a great package which includes a range of games and activities to keep you fit and a futuristic-looking FitBoard (something like that) which allows you to do Yoga, Skiing, Football Headers, Step Aerobics and of course everyones favourite workout . . .The Tightrope Walk (?!) I kid you not.
Now, before I go on, I have to say I’m not criticising the Wii Fit in anyway, other than to say it makes me feel unworthy of its considerable merits. It’s brilliance makes my guilt at not having used it for 231 days all the more great. And it doesn’t even seem to mind too much. It’s like your girlfriend finding out you’ve been having an affair for the last 6 months and then saying:
“Tut! Never mind. What would you like for tea?”
When you first load the software you are prompted to do a body test (especially when you haven’t done one for over 6 months). The basic test checks your centre of gravity (highlights posture problems) and then weighs you. Gulp. To make matters worse, when you put on weight, your Mii (a graphical version of yourself, made in your image) actually grows in front of your eyes with an horrific sound effect to accompany it. Despite all of the evidence to the contrary (I can’t see my feet when standing up) as I stand on the board, awaiting the results, a tiny voice inside me is whispering, ‘Maybe you’ve lost weight – or at least stayed the same’. Get real, would you.
Sure enough, after a few seconds, the line on my graph heads up hill and the Mii takes on the appearance of a poor man’s John Candy (circa ‘Cool Runnings’). There’s the grim sound effect followed by the news that I’ve gained almost half a stone in weight – and I wasn’t exactly svelte to begin with!
I should probably clarify that the burden of fitness responsibility does not solely lie with the Wii Fit. Well, obviously, the responsibility for fitness lies with me – what I mean to say is that the Wii Fit is not my only means of losing weight and staying fit. I also own a treadmill, which up until the past couple of weeks, did have at least 3 months where it was almost completely dormant. So despite my mock shock (only for the benefit of the Wii, which obviously didn’t care a jot) it was hardly surprising that I should find myself on the wrong side of the Obese/Over-weight line.
Still, it will do me no good to sit whining about it. I must find my resolve, grasp some self discipline and drop the hobnob biscuits (but they’re so nice with tea). The truth is that when I do get myself on the treadmill or manage a particularly long walk across the tightrope(!) I do feel much better. Psychologically and physically. And as a Yoga virgin before I bought the Wii, I have to say it’s brilliant to do some exercises before breakfast and it really does help with your posture.
So, whilst I’m not publicly promising rapid weight loss and an evangelical approach to my fitness and well being, I am publicly stating that I am going to give it a really good go. Again. Maybe if I say it out loud (is anyone listening?) then there’s more chance of me exerting some actual will power and actually making a difference this time.
Also, I know my little Wii trainer will be spurring me on to succeed. As long as I can be bothered to switch it on. Obviously.
I found a really good (serious) little article on getting motivated with the Wii Fit. Check it out:
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